Sex Offender Bill
A Virginia state senator has introduced legislation to castrate sex offenders. The bill is extremely popular, almost as popular as legislation to castrate state senators.



Big Donation
A UCLA alumnus who made a fortune in the animal feed business is donating $100 million to the university's public policy school... where professors teach everyone that people who make fortunes in the animal feed business are eco-terrorists.



Taco Bell Lawsuit
A new lawsuit claims that the beef in Taco Bell menu items is not 100% beef. By the way, whatever happened to that chihuahua that used to do the Taco Bell commercials?



Zsa Zsa in the Red
Because of massive debt, Zsa Zsa Gabor now needs to sell her $28 million house. For $29 million, you can have her amputated leg too.



Packer Fan Hired
The salesman fired for wearing a Packer tie to work at a Chicago car dealership has been offered a new job at a nearby car dealership... where people who buy a new car will get the chance to punch the guy wearing the Packer tie.




January 26th


1340: King Edward III of England is declared King of France… all as a part of the hilarious 14th century reality show: “King Swap!”


1564: The Council of Trent issues its conclusions in the Tridentinum, establishing a distinction between Roman Catholicism, Protestantism and rooting for the Jets.


1992: Boris Yeltsin announces that Russia will stop targeting United States cities with nuclear weapons, and start aiming them at the real enemies, bartenders who don’t let you run a tab.