Immigrant Policy
The Obama team is promising a crackdown on illegal workers by setting up a new audit office to look over employment records. The office will be staffed with mostly illegal aliens.



Walmart Partnership
Walmart and First Lady Michele Obama will make a joint announcement later today on a new plan to help sell more healthy food to kids. The partnership is natural, since Walmart has already been supplying Mrs. Obama with most of her wardrobe since 2009.



Big Decision
A federal judge has ruled that gay state workers can sue the federal government for spousal benefits. The ruling comes as a shock to millions of Americans that don't know there are any federal workers who aren't gay.



Berkeley Change of Heart
Berkeley's city council is reconsidering a plan to pay for its city workers' sex change operations. I mean... if you can't also pay for a complete wardrobe change too, what's the point?



Bloomberg's Priority
New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg now says that cutting city worker pensions will be his "number one priority" this year... but if the sanitation guys agree to finally plow his driveway, he might reconsider.







January 20th


1649: Charles I of England goes on trial for treason. His defense is that he was unaware he was in a “No Treason” zone.


1885: L.A. Thompson patents the roller coaster… and the corners the market on barf-clearing sawdust.


1991: Sudan's government imposes Islamic law nationwide… because Sudan was getting just too modern and fun.