Playboy Goes Private
The publisher of Playboy says it has agreed to Hugh Hefner's offer to take the company private... which means the company will now be stored under some 12-year-old's mattress.



Verizon iPhone
Verizon will start offerning iPhone service in February... which means AT&T will go bankrupt in March.



Eagles Lose
Green Bay shocked the Eagles in Philadelphia with a 21-16 playoff win on Sunday. Eagles fans are blaming Sarah Palin and the Packers' violent imagery of its shotgun formation.



Kennedy Movie Nixed
The Kennedy family has killed a History Channel miniseries about the life of JFK. The family protested the various historical inaccuracies, like the scene that showed the late president using an iPhone to arrange a booty call with Marilyn Monroe.


New Storm Coming
Another major snowstorm is expected to hit New York City on Wednesday. The sanitation union is preparing in advance by calling in sick now.






January 10th


69: Lucius Calpurnius Piso Licinianus is appointed by the Senate to lead Rome's new name shortening comittee.


1861: Florida secedes from the Union, making it very difficult for its snowbird population to get back to New York in time for Passover.


2003: Illinois Governor George Ryan commutes the death sentences of 167 prisoners on Illinois' death row in hopes they'll be nice to him when he gets there too.