Iran War Games
Iran is beginning a series of war games today. Just in case, President Obama has already tendered our unconditional surrender.



Obama in New York
President Obama will call on Wall Street to join him in his efforts to reform the financial sector in a visit to Manhattan today. Then he will ask Wall Street to join him in his efforts to raise another $500 million for his re-election campaign.



Roethlisberger Suspended
Now that Ben Roethlisberger has been suspended for up to six games, the Pittsburgh Steelers have acquired Byron Leftwich to fill in for him at quarterback. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger has hired Charlie Sheen to fill in for him as a sex offender.



Bailed Out Banks Behavior
A new study shows that the banks that received bailout money cut lending and boosted executive pay more than the banks that did not get bailouts! Because what fun is taking the taxpayers' money if you can't use it to kick them out of their homes too?



Census Response
71% of Americans have filled out and sent in their Census forms. The other 29% are now actually working for the Census.





April 22nd


1529: The Treaty of Saragossa creates a new border between Spain and Portugal along a line 17° east of the Moluccas... enraging the people of Portugal when they learn all the bathrooms were on the Spanish side.


1912: Pravda, the "voice" of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, begins publication in Saint Petersburg. It is now known as "The New York Times."


1970: The first Earth Day is celebrated. And these kinds of holidays are truly effective since worldwide pollution and fossil fuel use has only increased by 15,000% since then.