Bullock Adoption
Sandra Bullock has adopted a new child... but the baby is already cheating on her with Madonna and Angelina Jolie.


Bullock's estranged husband Jesse James is also committing a selfless act... he's adopting all of Tiger Woods' ex-girlfriends.



Space Water
An icy asteroid orbiting the sun between Mars and Saturn is adding credence to theories that Earth's water was delivered from space... so is the recent discovery of an empty 15 billion gallon bottle of Poland Spring at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.



Greek Debt
Greece's debt crisis continues to spiral out of control. It's getting so bad that I went to my local diner this morning and they charged me 15 billion euros for coffee.



Height Service
President Obama will deliver the eulogy for civil rights icon Dorothy Height this morning. Then, he'll go back to delivering his ongoing eulogy for the American economy.



Monkey Meat
Two people have been arrested in Indonesia for making and selling meatballs from the meat of protected monkeys. The couple also faces charges in the U.S. for not posting the meatballs' full calorie and fat content on the packaging.





April 29th


1986: A fire at the Los Angeles Central Library destroys 400,000 books... which would be a real tragedy if anyone in Los Angeles could read.


1999: The Avala TV Tower near Belgrade is destroyed in the NATO bombing of Yugoslavia. Broadcasts of the Yugoslavian hit show, "Who Wants to be a Casualty?" continue on the radio.


2005: Syria completes its pullout from Lebanon, but not before impregnating the country with 29 years worth of terrorists.