China Quake
At least 400 people are dead in a massive earthquake in China. In other news, 400 kidneys and livers have suddenly come on to the organ black market.



Home Rescues Failing
A new report shows that for every one home the Obama mortgage rescue plan is saving, 10 more are being foreclosed. It's all part of the administration stimulus plan for repo men.



New Tax
The Senate is considering a new 15 cent per gallon gas tax. The tax ought to rake in huge revenues as millions of Americans use their cars to move to Canada.



Lexus in China
Lexus is planning to start selling SUV's in China. Finally, a Chinese population control policy that might actually work!



Furlough Decision
A state appeals court has ruled that forcing California government workers to take unpaid furloughs is legal. It also ruled that forcing California government workers to actually do their jobs when not on furloughs is also legal!





April 14th


1775: The first abolition society in North America is established. The first order of business is voting on whether to free the 11 slaves working for the abolition society.


1846: The Donner Party of pioneers departs Springfield, Illinois... everyone reportedly "looked delicious."


1865: Abraham Lincoln is shot in Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth... other than that, Mrs. Lincoln DID enjoy the show.


1894: Thomas Edison demonstrates the kinetoscope, a device for peep-show viewing using photographs that flip in sequence, a precursor to movies... and porn.


1912: The British passenger liner RMS Titanic hits an iceberg in the North Atlantic at 11:40pm. The ship sinks the following morning with the loss of 1,517 lives. In an equally horrific disaster, it also leads to an incredibly overrated movie 85 years later.