Boxing Animal Rings
Animal rights activists are going berserk over the new craze of boxing orangutans. The rest of America says those orangetuns belong in Congress.



Lexus Warning
Consumer Reports is now warning everyone not to buy Lexus GX-460 SUV... mostly because it makes you look like a stupid yuppie wannabe.



SEIU'S Stern Quitting
Public worker union chief Andy Stern is stepping down... he wants to collect his lavish pension before his fellow union members bankrupt the government.



Debt Growing
The bad news is the national debt grew by $480 billion in the two month period between February the 10th and April 10th. The good news is the government racked up some serious membership rewards points on its credit card!



Big Ben Punishment?
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell may still suspend Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger even though sex assault charges against him have been dropped. Goodell will either suspend him or send him the to Jets.






April 13th


1598: Henry IV of France issues the Edict of Nantes, allowing freedom of religion to the Huguenots... but they are still racially profiled at all border crossings.


1983: Harold Washington is elected as the first African-American mayor in Chicago's history. Half of Chicago's dead voters begin rolling in their graves.


1997: Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win The Masters Tournament... and the youngest patron at the Augusta National Brothel.