Gym Ruling
A California court has ruled that parents can sue if their kids' schools cut back on gym classes. But if they cut back on math and science classes, we just have to keep buying all their technology from China and India.



Reading Scores
A new report shows that 25% of 8th graders are functionally illiterate. And the other 75% are getting beaten up by the illiterate kids.



Deficit Panel Findings
The Deficit Reduction Commission will release its full report on how to cut government waste this morning. It's first recommendation will be not to waste money by funding useless things like the Deficit Reduction Commission.



Police Union Stance
The Los Angeles police union wants the city to stop hiring new cops. It turns out hazing the new guys is really interfering with the veteran cops' daily naps.



Wikileaks B of A
Bank of America is probably the target of the next expose from Wikileaks. Most of the leaks are coming from 2-3 disgruntled ATM's.




December 1st



1975: Lambda Theta Phi, the first Latino fraternity, is established at Rutgers University… but it is better known on campus as “the men’s soccer team.”


1982: At the University of Utah, Barney Clark becomes the first person to receive a permanent artificial heart… but the world is much more interested in Clark’s incredibly life-like artificial hair.


1991: Ukrainian voters overwhelmingly approve a referendum for independence from the Soviet Union. The nation has spent the last 19 years unsuccessfully trying to join the Pac-10.