Wisconsin Teacher Sick Out
Unionized teachers in Wisconsin are calling out sick today to protest the proposed elimination of their collective bargaining rights. As a result, public schools will be closed today across the state... and millions of kids are now stalwart union supporters.



Madoff Interview
In a new interview, Bernie Madoff says banks and other big investment groups "had to know" he was a fraud. But he insists his family members didn't know... in other words, his kids are idiots.



NYSE Name Change
One of the toughest issues in the German deal to buy the New York Stock Exchange is what to call the newly combined company. But since so many stock brokers are crooks, they'll probably just rename the NYSE "Stalag 17."



757's Grounded
United has grounded its entire fleet of 757's for safety checks. Unfortunately, this is United, so it forgot to tell the passengers already on those planes and they have been stranded for 18 hours and counting.



Church Study
The number of people attending church in America is on the decline. The slide began when more people realized that you don't have to go to church to get cheap wine.






February 16th


1249: Andrew of Longjumeau is dispatched by Louis IX of France as his ambassador to the Mongol Empire. The Mongols found him to be delicious.

1862: General Ulysses S. Grant captures Fort Donelson, Tennessee… the federal government has been trying to give it back ever since.

2005: The National Hockey League cancels the entire 2004-2005 regular season and playoffs, putting thousands of dentists out of business in the U.S. and Canada.