Geithner on Gas
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner says the U.S. economy can handle the spike in oil prices. He figures any money we lose at the gas pump we can just get back by not paying our taxes.



Gay Marriage Decision
President Obama says he will no longer back the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act. This comes two years after he decided to stop backing the defense of the United States.



Assange Ruling
A British judge says WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange can be extradited to Sweden... which means it's about to become a lot safer for women in Britain to go outdoors.



Libya Latest
The latest reports show opposition forces in Libya have taken control of key cities in the eastern and western regions of the country. But Qadaffi still has an iron grip over the nation's valuable reserves of overpriced Eurotrash sun glasses.



Illinois Bonds
Illinois shocked the investment world yesterday when it found enough lenders to auction off $3.7 billion in bonds. Of course the state already gets millions of dollars from people with no hope of getting their money's worth every year... they're called Cubs fans.






February 24th


303: Diocletian, Roman Emperor, publishes his edict that begins the persecution of Christians in his portion of the Empire. The rest of the Empire is too reliant on NASCAR to risk that.


1582: Pope Gregory XIII announces the Gregorian calendar… which consists of 12 hot pictures of Pope Gregory XIII.


2007: Japan launches its fourth spy satellite. The first three were eaten by Godzilla.