Watson Wins
IBM’s new “Watson” computer soundly defeated Jeopardy! legend Ken Jennings last night. Of course, they’ve been making rigid, impersonal machines that think like humans for years, they’re called lawyers.



Madison Schools Closed Again
Unionized teachers in Madison, Wisconsin are forcing schools to be closed again while they protest possible cuts. As a result Madison school children are begging the Governor to propose new cuts every month.



Obama in Sillicon Valley
President Obama is in the Bay Area today to talk with Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg about how to create more jobs. Jobs is expected to promise to hire a million new workers in return for Obama's pancreas.



PBS Cuts
Republicans in Congress are looking to cut more funding for PBS... and the GOP is also still refusing to recognize Ernie and Bert's gay marriage.



Brown's Book
Senator Scott Brown reveals in his new memoir that he was molested by a camp counselor as a child. Meanwhile, the other 99 members of the Senate are writing memoirs about how they committed sexual abuse.




February 17th


1600: The philosopher Giordano Bruno is burned alive at Campo de' Fiori in Rome for heresy… and for adding 160 pages to everyone’s reading in Philosophy 101.

1865: Columbia, South Carolina, is burned to the ground. A historic event reenacted every year during the University of South Carolina’s football Homecoming weekend.

1933: The Blaine Act ends Prohibition in the United States setting off a hiring boom for guys who mop up barf.