Shutdown Consequences
There's still no deal to avoid a federal government shutdown. If there is a shutdown, it's not clear exactly where air traffic controllers will go to sleep on the job.



Colombia Trade Deal
President Obama has sealed a trade deal with Colombia... it's his first deal for Colombian products since he was in college.



Portugal Problems
Portugal has formally asked for a $129 billion bailout. It needs the money so badly, it promises to accept the cash today... immediately after the country's daily national 3-hour nap time.



GE Solar Plans
GE says it will build the largest solar plant in the US. It will use it to power the lawyers and accountants working 24/7 to make sure the company continues to pay no taxes.



Police Chief No Deal
Philly's police chief is not going to Chicago after the city refused his $400K per year salary demand. It turns out the only people willing to overpay for a bad product in Chicago are Cubs fans.




April 7th


1933: Prohibition is repealed... America celebrates and doesn't wake up until 1934.


1971: President Richard Nixon announces his decision to increase the rate of American troop withdrawals from Vietnam... so they can come home and spy on Jane Fonda.


1992: The Republic of Srpska announces its independence... from vowels.