Pelosi's Warning
Nancy Pelosi says Republican budget cuts will force millions of seniors into starvation... which will totally cut the workload for the death panels she set up under Obamacare.



CAT Stays Put
Despite huge tax increases, Caterpillar says it will stay in Illinois for now... mostly because it can't afford the gas to move out.



No Deal
Despite hours of Oval Office meetings, President Obama has failed to get the Democrats and Republicans to make a deal to avoid a government shutdown. That's because the Democrats keep trying to ammend the president's March Madness brackets and the Republicans keep asking to see his birth certificate.



Shutdown Worries
A government shutdown could create real hardship for millions of Americans... which means retired GE executives and UAW workers will just start holding up drug stores for their free viagra.



Furloughs?
A government shutdown could affect millions of American travelers with national parks shutting down and road repairs halted. But the guys in charge of inspecting Southwest's 737's will just continue not doing their jobs.




April 6th


1199: King Richard I of England dies from an infection following the removal of an arrow from his shoulder... and the fact that they ran out of soft soap in the castle mens room.

1888: Thomas Green Clemson dies, bequeathing his estate to South Carolina to establish Clemson University... as a front for a couple of hard-drinking frats and a football tea

1973: The American League begins using the designated hitter. Meanwhile, Broadway shows continue to use switch hitters.