Cleveland Crash
President Obama faced hecklers and spoke to a half-empty arena in Cleveland at a campaign rally yesterday. Experts aren't sure whether it was because of Halloween or because Obama came wearing his LeBron James jersey.



Pot Prop
The latest reports show the proposition to legalize marijuana is trailing at the polls by seven points... not because it's not popular, but because most of the potheads aren't expected to remember where to vote.



Miss World Winner
18-year-old Alexandria Mills of Kentucky won the Miss World contest in China Saturday night. But after winning the crown, the Chinese asked her for help in getting back the $13 trillion they've lent America just since last Tuesday.



Tiger Falls
For the first time in 281 weeks, Tiger Woods is not the world's #1 ranked golfer... but he remains the world's #1 consumer of anti-herpes medication.



McDonald's Partisan
An Ohio McDonald’s owner is in hot water for putting pro-Republican campaign materials in his employees’ paycheck envelopes. Despite the electioneering, Mayor McCheese still trails Grimace in the polls by five percentage points.




November 1st


1179: Philip II is crowned King of France, and de facto leader of the gay community.


1800: President John Adams becomes the first President of the United States to live in the White House… which is slightly less impressive when you realize he still had to take all his dumps outside.


1946: The New York Knicks play the Toronto Huskies in the first Basketball Association of America game… and the last pro basketball game where no player was facing a paternity suit.