Bomber Arrest
Times Square bomb suspect Faisal Shahzad was on board a Dubai-bound flight when he was arrested at JFK airport last night. Of course, the other 215 terrorists aboard that flight were allowed to continue on their journey.



Holder on Arrest
Attorney General Eric Holder says the bomber's intent was "to kill Americans"... which makes his decision to target Manhattan all the more hard to understand.



Recession Child Abuse
Police say there's been a spike in shaken baby syndrome cases ever since the start of the recession... mostly because parents are trying to find loose change.



Target Stabbings
A woman is under arrest after she stabbed four shoppers at a Target in West Hollywood. Police say they're relieved she wasn't at a Walmart, where she could have stabbed twice the people for the same price.



Teacher Layoffs
More than 80% of U.S. school districts are expected to eliminate jobs this coming school year. With so many teachers getting laid off, kids will have to rely on Boy Scout leaders and priests for their regular molestations.






May 4th


1493: Pope Alexander VI gives most of the New World to Spain, and the rest to a creepy Boy Scout leader who liked to go hiking with young Native Americans.


1626: Dutch explorer Peter Minuit arrives on Manhattan Island... he is still looking for a parking spot.


1979: Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom... and the last one with any balls.